Choose Your Battles

Choose Your Battles

I’ve been intrigued by the story in the news headlines about Ariana Iacono, the 14-year-old student in North Carolina, who is battling her school officials (now with the aid of the ACLU) over her nose stud.  Wearing the stud defies school dress codes, yet she claims that removing it violates her religion, the Church of Body Modification.  She has been suspended most of this school year because of her refusal to remove the nose stud—and a court battle ensues. 

 

Her mother, also a member of the C of BM, claims “The school has wrongfully forced her (Ariana) to choose between her education and our family's religion."  Her lawyer says, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste. They were wasting (Ariana’s), one day, three days, five days at a time."

 

I went to the website for the Church of Body Modification to see if it is the real deal.  Apparently so--the poor girl is trapped between school codes and religious dictates. 

 

I’m not against body modification.  Nor am I trying to judge Ariana and her family.  But I squirm at the international attention they are garnering and pray that they are sure they know what they are doing. 

 

I understand the indignant feelings that can come when someone lays down rules that we don’t agree with. 

 

I know that rulemakers sometimes don’t take everything into consideration when they formulate the plan.  Rules can seem unfair. I never want to see anyone harshly oppressed.  

 

Our culture is ever changing, and often standards can seem to become obsolete.  (When I was in college, girls were not allowed to wear shorts anywhere on our campus.  Not even to run outside in 100 degree Texas heat--that felt oppressive!)

 

Change often happens whenever someone is brave or passionate enough to challenge the powers that be.  A momentum builds because someone feels squashed by the rules and either requests for or tries to force amendment. 

 

But I think we also have to ask ourselves before we put our foot down, ‘At what cost?” 

 

We learn in life—especially in parenting--that often, we have to let some issues slide—to carefully pick the battles--so that we can be free and clear to address the critical BIG stuff. Discerning this can be tricky.  Feelings can get in the way. We’ve got to ask ourselves what is the long-term strategy here?  And, are we possibly setting a dangerous pattern for the course of our lives?  

 

Wisdom says to also consider long-term repercussions—possibly developing a reputation seen by future teachers or employers as someone who is rebellious against authority, threatens a ‘sue them’ attitude, causes distracting drama scenes, or blames others, refusing to take responsibility for our own actions.

 

The question I ultimately ask myself is, “Is this particular fray the right one for me to engage?” 

 

I want to look back with pride for standing my ground and giving my best—whether I actually won or lost--to know I did the RIGHT thing.  May we each become 'famous' not for winning every skirmish, but for prevailing faithfully in good character, integrity, wisdom, and respecting folks around us.